Grooming is a word that many of us use when talking about safeguarding and the actions of those who want to abuse children. I made the mistake of assuming that staff understood the complexity of grooming and, therefore, never covered it in detail in my training.
That was until I attended a session with Paul Stewart, a former England professional footballer. He explained, “People have asked me what they could have done to help me disclose sooner, to be honest, they couldn’t have done anything once the abuse started. But if I’d been educated about what grooming looked like and what these individuals do to groom, then I may well have said something a lot earlier.”
Paul went on to explain that his abuser had also groomed his family, ensuring that Paul had no one he could turn to.
This prompted me to want to change things to help children, to learn more about grooming and how to spot it sooner. I realised that to aid children in understanding, first, staff must understand. The model I chose came from Boys and Young Men at Risk of Sexual Exploitation – A Toolkit for Professionals, which comprises seven steps. Please be aware, however, that not every situation will involve all the steps.
Step 1: Targeting
One of my participants on a course described this stage as stalking and choosing somebody who has a want or need. Perpetrators then use that want or need to their advantage. Perpetrators will learn everything about their victim’s life, where they go, what they like, whom they hang around with, and so on.
Step 2: Contacting
This is not a random meeting/contact; it has been perfectly planned by the perpetrator based on the information gained during Step 1 and could be offline or online.
Step 3: Keeping Contact
After the initial contact, the perpetrator ensures they maintain contact with the victim. This, again, could be targeted to what the victim needs or wants, such as lending them cash or giving them lifts, etc.
Step 4: Perceived Positive Behaviours
This is the step everyone always mentions in training and concerns the perpetrator developing a relationship with the victim so that they trust them and will turn to them if they need anything. This can vary from giving someone somewhere to stay, complimenting them, allowing them to join their group and giving gifts.
Step 5: Negative Behaviours
This is where the perpetrator wants to see how much control they have over the victim. The perpetrator will see what happens when they sexually touch the victim, gets them to steal something, take drugs, isolates them from the group or sends nudes or ‘dick pics’.
All the while, the perpetrator is watching what reaction they get from the victim. If the perpetrator gets the response they want, they will progress to Step 6. If the victim refuses or challenges the perpetrator, they then make it out to be a joke, saying they weren’t really serious, making the victim feel silly for misunderstanding. Then they’ll return to Step 4 to further develop the relationship.
Step 6: Control and Reinforcement
The control method can vary depending on the reason for grooming (whether to criminally exploit the victim, domestic abuse relationship, sexual exploitation etc.). Examples include threatening to hurt the victim’s family or people they care about, guilt-tripping them into thinking that it is all their fault, blackmailing, especially if they have indecent pictures/videos of the person, threatening to tell the police/family or posting on the internet about something the victim has done. They could be by emphasising how lucky the victim is to have the perpetrator in their life and how much better their life is now compared to before.
Step 7: Exploitation
The perpetrator uses the victim for their benefit, whether sexually, financially or otherwise.
A summary of the above steps is:
- Target
- Test
- Trap
Perpetrators will also groom family and work colleagues to get what they want. The Low-Level Concerns about Staff blog post delves into this topic in more detail.
It is imperative that staff have open conversations with children and that children know they can come to speak to staff about anything at all. Staff must remain non-judgemental and always be there to help and support.