We often talk about the importance of understanding a child’s (or adult’s) “normal” – what they enjoy, what matters to them, how they spend their time.
Building that knowledge is not just about rapport. It’s about relationships, and relationships are at the heart of effective safeguarding.
When a child feels seen and heard, they’re more likely to trust us. And having a trusted adult around them can be that vital step to disclosure.
The power of genuine interest
I recently attended a session with a survivor of Child Criminal Exploitation – specifically county lines. He shared that, at one stage, he had five professionals from different agencies working with him.
But the one he remembered most fondly was the worker who genuinely took an interest in him as a person. The one who didn’t just see a client assigned to their caseload.
They would go for coffee and talk about football. Interestingly, the relationship grew and deepened not because the worker pretended to support the same team – in fact they supported a rival one – but because they took the time to engage with what actually mattered to the young person.
The time invested in finding out about that child’s interests built a stronger relationship; and that in turn gave their work together more meaning and impact – to the point where that trusted adult is remembered fondly many years later.
Paul Dix, in his book When the Adults Change, Everything Changes, calls this botheredness – the emotional currency we as education practitioners need to offer before we can expect anything in return.
When you know nothing about their interests
There are plenty of topics I know very little about; gaming, for example.
My own childhood favourites were on the Atari – Pac-Man, Space Invaders, and Kaboom. (If you’ve never heard of an Atari, I won’t be offended if you pause here and look it up!)
But here’s the thing: I don’t need to be an expert because I can ask.
- What do you like doing?
- What do you enjoy about it?
- Can you show me or explain it to me?
This opens up space for curiosity and reverses the usual dynamic. When you admit that actually, in this area, they know more than you, and show an interest in learning from them, it opens the relationship up to become something that’s more of a two-way-street, and that, in itself, can be hugely validating. At the very least, it shows that you care, and it’s hard to place a value on that for a child who doesn’t have many caring grown ups in their life.
Growing your awareness
If there’s a topic you keep hearing about, you can also build your knowledge.
That might mean:
- Watching a programme or documentary
- Attending a talk or CPD session
- Talking to someone who knows more
For me, gaming was a bit of a mystery until I attended some brilliant sessions run by YGAM (the Young Gamers and Gamblers Education Trust). They offer free training for professionals, parents, and carers.
Thanks to them, I’ve learned:
- What cryptocurrency is (and that it’s not just Bitcoin!)
- The differences between Minecraft editions: Bedrock, Java, Dungeons, and Legends
- How microtransactions work – and how games are designed to be addictive and financially tempting
That knowledge hasn’t turned me into a gamer; but it has given me language and understanding that help me connect.
You don’t need to know it all
In my experience, the most important thing for building a relationship with children is to be genuine.
You don’t have to love football to have a meaningful conversation about it. You can say what you like and what you don’t. You can listen, ask questions, and show that their interests matter.
Ultimately, as an education professional, your skill is in talking to people – not in knowing everything about everything.
Reflection point
What’s one topic you’ve heard a child or young person talk about recently that you know nothing about? Could you ask them to teach you about it, or take five minutes to explore it yourself?